Do those two terms ‘spiritual’ and ‘bullying’ fit together? How could someone who is completely focused on love, light, free will and individual connection to self and to Source possibly be a bully? Sadly, there are many in the spiritual arena specifically for their own gain, not to be of service. As well as many who have simply allowed ego to run rampant and ended up unintentionally bullying others with their passion for their beliefs. If you have someone trying to convince you that you have a problem, that only their skills and knowledge can solve, then you are being bullied.
I have been approached several times over the past months and twice this past week by people who are seeking to discern the integrity of a person who they are considering or already working with. It is important that you take your time to feel comfortable the person you are going to engage with truly has your best interest in mind. And you should also have the right to change your mind at any point and not be pressured into more and more. If you purchase a package in good faith and subsequently decide the practitioner is not for you, you may lose what you have paid, depending upon the terms and conditions, and will still have to pay for services rendered. Even more reason to notice if you are being pressured into purchasing something, or if it the support you truly desire as your next step.
What is a Spiritual Bully? First let me remind you that there are many genuine and caring energy workers out there, who want to do what is best for the client. But there are also many who have become so enamoured with their own particular modality or excited about results they have experienced that they begin to believe that everyone needs their services. That is ego talking and it just isn’t true! We are all complex beings at our own individual stages of self-discovery, so one size can never fit all. Sometimes we benefit from physical or mental support and other times we simply need to be left alone.
Then there is the other category that concerns me far more than the well-meaning but over-excited practitioner. This is the group of people who do a ‘hard sell’ of their services through newsletters, campaigns, free seminars or in person. These offers have been specifically engineered to create fear, pressure, and scarcity, essentially to take advantage of someone who is already fragile or vulnerable. At the extreme, they may indicate something terrible is going to happen to you if you do not take immediate action and sign up with them. While most marketing techniques create some sense of urgency or scarcity, I am talking about the ones that go beyond and genuinely evoke deep fear or become particularly demanding. Many of these con artists suggest that they are so superior and tuned in that they know of some impending doom for you even if they have never actually met or worked with you. And funny enough they say the same thing to everyone they are marketing to. In my estimation, this is wrong on so many levels!
Anyone truly operating from love, light and freewill will offer their services in a way that the other person can decide for themselves if the service, course, or practitioner is a good fit at the time. This does not mean that as a practitioner you shouldn’t act like you don’t care, rather you should care enough that you give clients the space to decide for themselves.
I have heard people say things like ‘that person offered so much for free, I now feel obliged to sign up and pay for XYZ service with them’. If you found the free offering of benefit and believe working with them is the right next step, then do so. But if you are doing it ONLY because the person has offered some things for free, then stop and evaluate if you are responding from desire or obligation. Sounds a lot like an obligation to me.
Warning signs that you may be involved with a Spiritual Bully:
1) You attend a free webinar that contains nothing but sales. No webinar is really free, you are giving your time and contact info, so it is appropriate that you expect some value, not just an extended sales pitch.
2) After you give out your email address your inbox is flooded with offers, and marketing from them. It may be reasonable to receive 3-4 introductory emails over the first few days, particularly if you signed up for some sort of series. But if the marketing becomes too insistent or frequent you may want to reconsider your relationship with that person or company.
3) You are told you cannot work with anyone else or even talk about what you are doing, and particularly not to other practitioners. That is a red flag and can be isolating for you. What do they have to hide that you cannot speak to others about the situation and work through things with anyone but them?
4) While attending a class to learn a new modality and you are told you cannot use this with anything else, without a clear explanation of why this is the case. An example from my own life was when I first began to bring through and teach the Transmission of Light to others I was told by the Galactic Council that it could be blended with one other energy at a time, but only one. I was not satisfied with simply abiding by that rule, so asked for an explanation. The response I received was that blending the energies increased the potency of each one and blending more than two at a time may energetically confuse the person receiving it. This was a response that made sense to me, so I was willing to follow their guidance, and pass the explanation along to others working with it.
5) You are warned that terrible things will befall you if you don’t take immediate action and sign up for sessions or some expensive program with them.
6) There is an element of belittling by suggesting the person making the offer is very advanced and if you do not see the immediate value in said person’s offer, you must me inferior. Remember we are ALL spiritual beings, and all at a different stage in our evolution, which is perfect, not something to be judged or ridiculed.
This is certainly not to suggest that all offers or marketing is bullying, rather it is to create awareness and discernment that some of them may be and it is okay to say no to them. Remember to check in with yourself and notice if proceeding with something makes you feel better and hopeful or does it create dread and fear. If it is the former, proceed; if the latter, you may want to reconsider or get a second opinion.
Some questions to ask yourself for clarification:
– Do you feel manipulated by this person or their messaging?
– Does their insistence create fear?
– Are they making predictions that something terrible will happen if you ignore them?
– Do they encourage you to feel bad, or lesser for having a differing opinion?
– Do they imply or outright state they are the only person who can help (save) you?
If you have answered yes to one or more of these questions, it may be best to take a step back and evaluate if this really is the right practitioner, program or modality for you. The answer may be a resounding yes, and if so, proceed. But if the answer is no, give yourself permission to trust your own inner guidance and honour that answer.
If not them, then who? Some of you might be thinking that since you asked for their help (or asked Spirit for help and they showed up) they must be the one, therefore you should follow through. Trust yourself, and trust Spirit to guide you to the correct support that does not make you feel more fearful or guilty. Spirit will offer us many options based on our current energetic state, it is our discernment that guides us to which ones are the right fit. If you are asking for guidance on a particular issue, and you are filled with constant fear, the universe is happy to provide opportunities for you to continue to experience that fear. But there will also be options presented that will move you into a better place, those are the ones you want to watch for. Saying no to something that does not feel right helps to create space for you to find what is a better fit.
The other quandary you may find is that you don’t know where else to turn. Once again, trust yourself and trust Spirit to guide you to the correct fit. If you have found one option, there will be others just around the corner. Be patient and don’t jump on the first solution that presents, particularly if it fits in the category I am describing in this article.
How do I handle these questions? I frequently have people ask my opinion of which of my classes or services I would suggest to them. If it is for a session, they have generally told me a little about the situation, so I tune in to get a feel for what they might need and we go from there, or we start with a Soul Alignment, and I can shift gears within the session as needed. If it is for a class, I like to have a chat about where they are at, and what they are seeking, to see how it matches up with what I am currently offering. If there is no match I say so, sometimes with a recommendation to someone else, a suggestion to wait until I offer said class or a reminder to pay attention to their own instincts and exploration. I am clear that my services are not a fit for everyone, and I have no interest in working with a person that doesn’t really want to be there. And, because all of my groups are small and intimate, I will soon know if you prefer to not be there.
This is not to suggest I do it perfectly, I have sadly created hard-sell marketing in the past; and have allowed my ego to take control and tried to convince people to work with me. I have also been devastated when I create a program that I think is great and have minimal interest or response to it; but that is my problem, it is not up to my clients to sign up because I would like them too! I also have an expectation that people working through a coaching program with me actually do their assignments or be able to articulate why they have chosen to not.
All of this is to say that you need to trust yourself and not allow someone else to convince you that you need their program or service even if it does not resonate. Life has gotten so much better for me since I have let go of ‘selling my services’ and now focus on providing information about those services and allowing the people to show up that are an energetic match. To me, this is Being of Service.
